Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
