im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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