they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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