Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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