they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
