Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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