I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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