i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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