So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
