i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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