He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
