you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
