I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
