nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
