I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
