I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Your cock deserves a montage
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
