it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
