I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish you could order shots online.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You made out with two different species that night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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