I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
did i just pee glitter
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
