My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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