So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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