My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
