well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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