Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
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Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
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I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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