I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
