If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
