just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
