Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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