this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
