just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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