i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
