During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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