so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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