dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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