I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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