I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Randomize
