I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
