Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
