just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
