You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
