how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
