I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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