I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
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Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.