Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize