these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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