i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
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I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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