A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
