i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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