What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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