Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
