I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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