I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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