so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
