He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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