yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
