I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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