I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I AM VODKA MAN
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
