please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
