so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This is my gift to your gina
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize
