Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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