Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
