Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
