this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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