It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
